The Red Balloon

Color is everywhere, it makes up our world.  It’s a gift of nature in the rose I pass on my walk through the neighborhood to one of the many parks near our house in this concrete city.  It’s in the sweet blossom print on my daughter’s simple summer dress.  Have you ever stopped to really notice a color?  Any color?  All colors? 

Yesterday at 845 a.m. I sat in my pj’s, having just raced out of bed realizing the time, in my car, ready to move it because street cleaning was from 9-11 Fridays on our block.  The car idled as I waited for the garbage truck in front of me to move so I could as well.  It wasn’t very interesting; I’ve watched it before as I did now.  The guy (are there ever garbage women?  Why not?  It’s a respectable job, someone’s gotta do it but it’s not glamorous, then again not all jobs women do are glamorous, by far) grabs my blue recycle can and my black plain trash can, rolls them over to the truck, latches them on, pulls a lever and up go the cans, turning upside down, all my waste now joining everyone else’s waste.  It’s not poetry, I’m just watching because what else am I going to do?  He sets them down, rolls them back then grabs my neighbor’s bins.  Latch, pull, up they go…however, when the lids open this time and the trash dumps out, a solid red mylar balloon, still very much inflated, with a short white ribbon attached to it, floats out and up.  My mouth may even have dropped open, not that it was such an amazing site but it sure wasn’t something I was expecting and it had some kind of poetry in it, it almost spoke out but what was it saying?  “Let me out!  I’m not finished yet!”??  It floated up gracefully into the branches of the full tree above that adorns the front of our house.  One of only a few of the trees on the block.  It could have just floated up, up, up and away, not getting caught up in the tree.  How far up do those things go before they finally just don’t anymore?  I wonder if the garbage man even saw it.  Probably not, though it may have been something of interest to tell his wife that evening over dinner.  Or not, maybe it happens all the time?!  But who puts a still full of helium balloon in their trash?  I always pop mine, or actually I wait until all the helium is gone and it lays sadly on the floor, being kicked around, before I cut into it with the scissors and put it in the trash.  I felt sorry for this balloon for some silly reason and yet I smiled at it and felt a warmth.

The garbage truck moved on and I sat in the car, staring up at the balloon in my tree.  How long would it stay up there?  We lost a “bouquet” of mylars in our backyard once after a party and it floated up to be caught in a tree there.  We didn’t try to get it down.  It added color, although our backyard is not without color as I’ve worked hard to arrange pots of flowers since I get so much joy out of staring at them.  I’m almost embarrassed to say the bouquet stayed there for well over a year, fading and deflating.  We get some pretty gusty winds here but that never knocked it loose.  Every time I looked up at it I thought, Tiff you really need to get that thing down, it looks pretty tacky and sad.  I recently did some tree trimming and it came down.  Is that the fate of the pretty red balloon in our front yard?  Its way up, I’ll need a tall ladder, but I probably shouldn’t leave it there as long as I left the others, since it will be seen by the world and I don’t want that “statement” for my house.  For now I’m kind of enjoying looking up at it as I leave the house. 

What’s the point to this story?  Other than the fact that I think it’s kind of interesting.  It has made me notice all the red in my world.  The plastic kid shovel laying in the dirt in the backyard, the array of kid’s balls of different sizes and bounce abilities in the house and yard, the potted flowers on my front porch, the bristles of the large outdoor broom in my garage, my coffee mug, the stripes on the awning covering our back porch, a stripe on a throw pillow on my couch…  You get the point.  There was a day last year when for some reason the color orange caught my eye, I suddenly felt surrounded by it.  It popped up everywhere I turned for several days.  I even went so far as to “see a sign” in it and I looked up the meaning of the color.  With all the positive things it represents, that I relayed to significant aspects of my life at the time (optimism, rejuvenating…) I dug out a smooth, orange-brown rock from my house (I can’t remember why I had it or where I got it from) and kept it near me, in the car where I could see it since I spend plenty of time there taking my son to and from school, to hold onto occasionally but mostly to glance at and remind myself of the meaning. 

I’m not sure I believe in actual healing powers of colors but I do think they are strong reminders of things that can guide us in our days, especially when we need that something extra.  I used to have a calendar, I think it was related to Wicca, which I don’t follow but think is interesting, which gave a color for each day and I would dress accordingly.  It’s not that I really needed any specific guidance at the time, except to help me reduce the amount of time staring into my closet trying to figure out what to wear.  It was fun!

So now I look up the meaning of the color red:  According to the empower-yourself-with-color-psychology.com, it is the color of energy, passion and action.  It is a warm and positive color associated with our most physical needs and our will to survive.  It exudes a strong and powerful masculine energy.  (Humph, who knew, I would have thought it feminine?)  Red is energizing.  It excites the emotions and motivates us to take action.  It signifies a pioneering spirit and leadership qualities, promoting ambition and determination.  It is also strong-willed and can give confidence to those who are shy or lacking in will power.  Being the color of physical movement, the color red awakens our physical life force.  It is also (of course??) the color of sexuality and can stimulate deeper and more intimate passions in us, such as love and sex on the positive side or revenge and anger on the negative.  I could have guessed some of those, but not all.  So for now, maybe a few days or a week or maybe more, I will look for the color red but I will not need to look hard, it will just pop up all around me.  I will think about the meaning and how it relates to my life right now.  I think reminders are good for us or we can just go through our days in a somewhat haze, regardless of how awake we think we are.  This is my perspective and opinion anyway. 

I’ll be looking up at that balloon every time I leave, enter or pass my house.  I will think about the things in my life that need taking action, I will probably feel more passionate, not just in the usual sense we relate that word to, although I will feel it that way too.  Passion for life, for jobs, for ideals, for the mundane.  These are things I actually could use reminders of now. 

How often do you take a look around and notice colors?  Are there certain ones that are showing up specifically?  Maybe the universe is lending a hand to help you even if you don’t really think you need helping.  Or not, maybe you think this is all silly and that’s fine too.  I invite you to try it though, if for nothing else but shits & giggles!  (Someone in my past used to say that and I’ve adopted it because I think it’s funny). 

Have a fabulous, colorful weekend!!

Tiffany xo

The Dog Days Of Summer

Dog Days Of Summer

Well that sure sounds like a negative-nancy blog title.  Or not I suppose.  It could purely mean something along the lines of “busy” summer…what does that saying mean?  Ok, my faithful Siri helped me out with this and according to mousebreath.com (huh?!) here’s the scoop on the poop: The term actually dates back to the olden days and has to do with the star Sirius, the brightest star in the heavens, which is also known as the Dog Star.  Sirius was nicknamed the “Dog Star” by the ancient Egyptians in honor of a god named Osirus, whose head resembled that of a dog (arf!).  For around 20 days beginning in late July, Sirius actually rises and sets with the sun, so the Egyptians and Romans put 2 & 2 together and concluded that Sirius added its heat to the sun and made things extra hot…hence, the name “dog days of summer.”  Interesting, but I digress.

As I sit at my cozy red, faux leather restaurant booth we have in a corner under our back porch, at ground level, with a round table in the middle good for morning coffee, wine & laptops, good books and “watching” kids jumping on the trampoline or Friday night beers & nachos with good friends, I sit this lovely summer evening in San Francisco ignoring the call to the kitchen to make dinner.  I do that sometimes and I have a husband who understands, or at least rolls with, that decision.  I’ve had a very busy day and was feeling a bit agro-annie approaching dinner prep time.  Why agro?  Nothing particularly aggravating happened, if you don’t count the huge undertaking of sorting through what felt like mountains of toys to divide between 4 piles: keep, send to Salvation Army, take to our local recycled clothes/toy store where I get credit if they take my “junk” or the trash can which ended up sadly sizable.  Oh and all the while yelling at the kids that it wasn’t play time but clean up time and if they didn’t help I would just throw the whole lot out.  After a post office stop around the corner from the house there was a Safeway run, again around the corner, where I forgot the number 1 reason I went in (milk) so had to go back and wait in line again (%*!@%!!)  Then we did a Costco trip late in the afternoon…I really dislike that place!  For all of the above errands Teagan insisted on bringing her mini plastic shopping cart.  Me: “Teagan keep up!  Teagan watch where you are going!  Sorry my daughter ran into you ma’am.”  Oh and I witnessed a potential love connection on the street corner between a jogger and a cat caller (the jogger being the male & the cat caller being the woman!!) which was an interesting exchange and made me wonder if in a few years they’d be getting married or more likely would in 1 week one or the other be saying “well I won’t be going on another date with him/her!”  Thank god I’m married and not out in that world anymore!!  I actually did managed to squeeze in 35 minutes of yoga ME time today though.  But tonight the weather is being true to the month, unlike our usual arctic summers, and we have a nice “warm” summer evening to enjoy outside.  The wind is picking up a bit as it sadly does around this time but we are soaking up what we can. 

Wait, what was I going to say before describing every minute detail about the scene?

Oh yeah, summer.  Tyler goes back Monday and as predicted I can’t believe this summer vacation is over and he’s starting 1^st grade.  The time really is starting to hit warp speed and is very scary.  We had a great summer though; a wonderful 10 day trip through the U.K. and Ireland; fun days full of laughter at “amusement parks”; free days to jump on the trampoline for hours at a time; loads of camping…and that’s just the cream of the crop.  I worry if I did enough for them, made it fun & memorable enough, but that’s just me being hard on myself as per usual.  However, just because “summer” is over doesn’t mean life is over or fun is over.  Now we have fun fall holidays to look forward to, new friends at school, getting involved in Cub Scouts, etc.! 

AND I look forward to getting back on a structured schedule, which I just don’t do well off of.  The summer meant trips, holidays, birthday parties, camping…all of which equated to crap eating, cake, beer, s’mores, etc. etc. and 8lbs!!!  Eeeeek!  I haven’t been exercising and I let the healthy eating go too.  I’m rapidly forgiving myself for it because #1 C’mon, its summer and it’s ok to let loose! #2 What good does beating myself up for it do anyway since what’s done is done! #3 I will take it off.  In fact today I just put together a spreadsheet (yes, I’m that kind) for my weight loss and exercise goals, figured out all the numbers and am excited to get started!  Ok, I’m not really excited at the likely option of getting up at 6 again to run or do yoga, but hey, beauty is pain!  I can do it after I drop Tyler at school if need be.  I used to run in Golden Gate Park with Teagan after dropping Tyler off.  I’m not comfortable at my current weight…and yes I do have a slightly warped view of my body, but don’t we all to some degree?  Maybe not all of us.  I know it’s a terrible problem with endless possible industries or childhood issues to blame and bottom line comes down to core issues of self love, but hey, I’m working on it!  All things are impermanent which leads to exciting possibilities! 

Let the next phase begin!

Tiffany xo

New blog name, New blog photo, New scope

Disclaimer: This blog is about my thoughts.  They are intended to be honest but they are MY perceptions, even though I try to keep an open mind.  Everyone has the right to their own thoughts & opinions though the way they express them should be taken into careful & respectful account.  I hope I don't offend anyone ever and if I do it's never personal.  That said I hope I don't bore you either, if you are new to my blog, Welcome, if you are returning, as I am returning to posting, Welcome Back. Geez, maybe I've set myself up now to be scandalous and if so I will probably let you down ;)  Although a little scandal never hurt anyone, did it?!

I’m not exactly sure why I stopped blogging but I’ve missed it.  Maybe I was beginning to bore myself!  I was also bummed I didn’t seem to have many readers, and while I don’t expect my blog to launch me into stardom I would lie if I didn’t secretly want that ;)  Or just a little.  I’ve wanted to write a book about my life, and I’ve got years and years and years of journals to pull from, and while I’ve been told I write well, I’m not sure my life is THAT interesting.  But are those who write about their lives, or get semi-famous from their blogs have such interesting lives?  Or are they just good writers?  Anyway, whatever. 

I think what I’d like to get out of restarting my blog is to post my thoughts, stories & observations, my challenges, successes & lessons (note I did not write ‘failure’, which is something I’m working on erasing from my vocabulary) while hoping to reach out to others.  Maybe you will relate and find solace or humor in the similarities or maybe you will just be amused or pause to think of something you might not have or in a different light.  Or maybe you are just bored at work and want something to read…I know NOTHING about that, not now or from before kids J  I’m definitely hoping for more interaction from my readers but that may be asking too much.  Maybe there’s nothing to comment on…I’ve often been told I can write on and on and on and while it’s fairly interesting & amusing, I really haven’t said anything!  Hah, I like to call that stream of conscience writing and there’s a few books recently I’ve read like that…“The Frog King” by Adam Davies & “Heartbreaking Work Of Staggering Genius” by Dave Eggers, both Highly! Recommended!  But maybe there IS something to say or ask and I invite that interaction even though you may usually just be the peeping follower, those who read FB and Instagram and other blogs but never reply, or “Like”, making us all wonder if you really are still out there or not J 

See, I’m proving myself right…what have I really said in all the words above?! 

So most everyone has been hearing about the full moon tonight (gorgeous illustration below) and all the powers it holds.  Some of you think this is all a bunch of hooey and I’d be lying if somewhere inside me I didn’t think that too.  However, I’ve learned in life people need things to inspire them, lift them up when they are down, answer questions, or give them a crutch, etc.  I’m not religious but I’m no mystic, though I respect and do not judge either.  I follow horoscopes and I do want to believe in the powers of the moon…I am a Cancer after all and “ruled by” the beautiful orb.  I believe in the power of our minds and therefore whatever deity you are following or moon cycle or crystal or totem animal, or political party, etc. I think it’s you that helps, guides…or doesn’t help, you.  So I do choose to “believe” in the powers of the moon and nature and animals to guide me.  I do yoga and I’ve been trying to get into meditation to delve deeper into my mind, my own powers.  I struggle with my head & emotions daily, I suppose we all do unless we are sleep walking.  I often think my problems are deeper but maybe more people just aren’t talking about theirs, it’s not a fun topic after all.  I try to live above the material world but there again I’d be lying…I have a ridiculous shoe obsession, I long for that new IT bag, I have more jewelry, crap & nice, than I belong owning, I purchase to display in my home objects that I hope will remind me to not be materialistic but if I really followed that line of thinking I wouldn’t need these material objects at all, would I?  Though they’re so purdy!  We are probably all very alike in that way.  And yet we are all looking (at least I think most of us are) for inner peace, happiness, strength, non-attachment to material items, guidance, etc.  If you aren’t then you must have reached enlightenment and I’d love to borrow your map!

Where am I going with this?  This full moon is supposed to signal a time for us to take back control & power in areas we’ve let go, let pull us down, been letting us down.  It is supposed to get us in touch with our creative selves, our past selves, our desires and needs for change, whatever that is or means, to get back on that road or find the road in the first place.  Whether you believe in the power of the moon or not it’s a good excuse to think about these things now.  How does this show up for you?  For me it means getting off my summer butt and getting back to the things I love like my art, my yoga practice, more involvement in my marriage and children.  I don’t do well without structure and having Tyler on summer break has thrown me for a loop.  Lame excuse right there and something I should focus on tonight while moon gazing and sage burning…ok the sage part might seem a little silly but it’s fun, smells yummy and I like rituals.  Of course I could have been better taking advantage of the free summer time but now it is almost up and all I can do is start now.  Every day is a new day, though I don’t always wake up with that attitude.  I strive to get there though.  I think we are all on this journey together. 

I think I’ve rambled enough for now.  I’d like to close with a quote by Eckhart Tolle I particularly like and have on a “post card” on my desk.  It goes like this: “Stressful energy arises when you think some future moment is more important than the present moment, and the doing becomes only a means to an end.”

May you hear and honor your intuitions.

Tiffany xo

Playing catch-up

Funny, there was a real peak in my blog viewers several posts ago...maybe it caught a lot of people's attention but then didn't keep it enough to check back in.  That's ok.  Ultimately I write this for myself and the few followers that are faithful...tho who knows why you are and who you are :)  Hahahaha!!  Over the years I've thought I was a pretty interesting character living a fairly interesting life, worthy of blogging or heaven forbid writing a memoir.  I still do hope to write "my story" someday but I've been humbled as of late and realized "my story" isn't really so all that.  It's mine though and I'm holding onto it :)

That said, it hasn't been terribly interesting lately.  My daughter is in the throws of the terrible twos and I've been in the throws of Over It!  Plus been tweeking my meds which is just a roller coaster of a ride.  Went from energy and spunk to blah and nada.  Now I'm bouncing back a little and trying to catch up on things, hence this post and the images below.  Yep, still keeping up the daily visual journal!  In my opinion they've been kinda dull, but that's actually a perfect reflection of where I've been so I guess I'm doing something right.  Going to just post the suckers and look toward a longer post hopefully in the next few days.

Cheers

Amazing

I suppose the one good thing about having insomnia or your child having insomnia is getting to tackle some of the to-do's on my list...emails I've been meaning to send, photo uploads I've been meaning to do, writing a new blog post, etc. etc.  Of course I doubt I'll be getting up to go running at 6 considering it's now 3:30 and I've been up since 2 and I'm not sure when I'll be able to cajole Teagan back to bed without one of her epic tantrums ensuing which would wake up the entire house, if not the neighborhood :(  Oh well, it doesn't happen every night, in fact this is the first time and hopefully the last, at least for a while.  Yay parenthood!

I really do wish I knew the key to the ups and the downs...it would make life so much easier, to be able to avoid the triggers that cause the downs and encourage the ones that bring on the ups.  Such is the big quest of my life.  Had some down days and had some up days over the last week.  The downs suck, the ups are nice altho I suppose that would go without saying.  I feel I'm on an upward swing right now which feels good and the astrological website I refer to talks about this time having a lot of energy and forward motion...if I can handle it and not get caught up in frustrations and dredging up old wounds, doubts and reactions.  Hmpf.  I don't think I'll go that way :) 

Had an interesting conversation with my best friend the other night over dinner after our waiter asked how we were and my friend replied "I'm Amazing!" and both the waiter and I thought that was quite great.  And so the topic ensued, finding the "amazing" in your every day, "making" each day Amazing somehow.  I tried it today and it worked quite, well, amazingly.  That's not to say I wasn't bugged at points, like when at 9 am while loading my kids into the car to take Tyler to school I encountered 3 guys who'd just stolen a giant bottle of vodka from Safeway around the corner and stopped to bang off the security cap on a metal gate 2 doors down from my  house then sauntering off to get their drink on after leaving the cap on the sidewalk.  I calmly thanked the guy for littering then went about my business which afforded me the position only to see that the guy was mouthing off back at me but not to hear his choice words.  Oh yeah and then there was standing in line at Michael's when Teagan showed me a new trick of picking up some candy (I swear I hate that all stores have that crap right there at the checkout line where you end up standing and waiting and arguing with your kids about why they can't have any crap), opening the package and proceeding to eat it before I notice!  WTF?!  So after I took it away and scolded her a huge flaming tantrum erupted and I was lucky enough to have 3 fellow moms of varying ages in line with me who chuckled along with me and shared their stories of similar encounters as Teagan screamed, flailed, kicked and cried on the floor.  Sigh...have I said Yay Parenthood yet this blog post?!  :)  At any rate, at the dinner table over fresh homemade pumpkin ginger soup when Tony asked me how my day was I straightened my back a bit, lifted my chin and proclaimed "it was Amazing."  He was a bit taken aback by that so I just explained to him all the "amazing" things that happened.  It felt great and I hope I can try to adopt this new attitude every, or most, days going forward.

My art pieces didn't make it into the art show that I submitted to last week but I was and am totally ok with it.  When I picked them up I was able to peruse the other "rejects" that hadn't yet been picked up and I was pretty amazed and stoked to see there was a lot of really good, creative, fun, unique stuff that also wasn't selected.  Hey, you can't win 'em all but it takes guts and confidence to submit and you never know until you do.  I went to the show opening Saturday night with a friend who did get her pieces into the show and it was a nice time.  I'm also now the proud owner of a new art piece called "Second Chance" which now hangs in my dining room...my first sculpture/mixed media purchase which reminds me of a figurehead, a mermaid, a cross and an angel all at the same time.  I LOVE it!!  I'm so glad it was so reasonably priced :)  I also met up with the artist who has the gallery in his converted garage/first level of his house and after a great conversation and review of all my work that I brought over to show him he suggested/offered/accepted hosting my upcoming big 40th birthday party art show!!  I couldn't be happier, he's a really nice guy, very talented and his space is perfect.  Things are really falling into place!!!

So below are the visual journals since my last blog post - yep, I'm managing to keep it up and actually start to get a little creative with some!  Hope you enjoy.

and it feels like I just got home!

(written Wednesday afternoon)

As I sit on my back porch soaking up some Vitamin D which is warming my back and enjoying the temperate breeze, barely able to see my laptop screen but just feeling like I can't Not be outside when mother nature presents such a "winters day", I find myself pondering where oh where to begin and what exactly to write about.  It's only been a few days, but my days are full...of thoughts, emotions, issues, non-issues and oh let's not forget children.  At the  moment my fingers are crossed that despite the new trick my daughter has learned to open her closed bedroom door when it is nap time, and despite her repeatedly coming down to check out what I'm doing, that she may at least leave me to what is usually my peace time by not needing or demanding anything of me.  I keep sending her back up to nap and she keeps coming back down.  I don't know what I'm going to do if she is about to quit napping.  Already we have sleep issues at night with both the kids which we might better solve if we had them in separate bedrooms but that's not really possible in this house...  Anyway, I digress.  Basically I could sum up the parenting bit right now as: it's hard.  You tackle one issue and get into a groove and then they change things up again for you - will it be this way until they leave the house someday?!  So it's no wonder I seem extra stressed, extra frazzled, extra extra, I feel like I live in a funny farm!!  Even if I were perfectly 100% balanced and all wise I'm not sure I couldn't be rattled.  Mind you it's still something I love, adore and wouldn't change for the world.  It's just a matter of finding my peace...and I was finding it during nap time and after putting the kids to bed so now I just gotta get more creative ;)

Creative is something I've actually been being very good at lately, I've been working hard on my art and really feeling proud of the results.  This week I've been putting in a lot of time on a new piece I'm planning on submitting along with another similar piece to a show at the ARC Gallery called "Impulse" which isn't to mean that's what the pieces are about but rather the gallery is hoping to create or nurture existing impulsive art collectors.  I saw the Call For Art and upon thinking about what I could submit I searched through my stash of inspiration images and found one I thought would work well converted to beading.  Here's the original piece, The Beaded Madonna which I did a year ago and will submit with the new piece, Beaded Masquerade, pictured below:

 

I'm really excited about the new piece, which isn't as completely beaded as this one and this time incorporates sequins as well.  Of course the doubter in me says I'm never going to be accepted into this show, why even try.  Well, because you never know until you try and having the courage to go for it in the first place, along with creating a really cool piece I wouldn't maybe otherwise have, means I have nothing to lose and should be very proud of myself regardless.  I wonder if "successful" artists ever say that, "I'm proud of myself."  Somehow that feels like words for people who aren't top notch, although I suppose if I were top notch what would I have left to do, to try for, to aim for?  Yeah.

 

So I know I wrote last time about not taking me so seriously, not being offended, explaining a little more my situation, etc. but somehow it still didn't seem enough and I nearly decided, and may still, to take down my blog, or at least erase all the posts up until now.  This social media thing is so huge and people are just so judgemental, you never know who is looking and how they are going to react.  Just a snapshot in my day and someone could take that and run and I may have sealed my own fate!  It's crazy and angering.  I was trying to reassure myself by looking back over my blogs and visual journals but stepping back and just seeing the words and images without anything else I could actually see where things might be taken wrong.  I was going through some rough days and I wasn't holding that back with the blog or journal but on one page as I flipped through I noticed I'd put a picture of a row of sharp garden tools...since I'd been GARDENING that day...but I feared someone might see them as weapons or a subtle cry for wanting to use them on something other than weeds.  Now if I could go there than anyone could go there and suddenly I was so angry and frustrated.  Do I stop posting my journals, are they just too personal to put out there without explaining every little part of them?  Do I worry that co-workers of my husband or my neighbors or Tyler's school friend's parents or anyone else I have interactions with will misinterpret and act on that misinterpretation?  Ugh.  I don't know.  The artist in me says NO Fucking Way, this is my creative outlet, I know everything is ok, people go through hard times and maybe they just don't want to admit it or are uncomfortable with other people going through it or whatever.  I've had people tell me they gain strength from knowing they aren't the only one's going through a hard time or that I say things they've only thought and wanted to say but were afraid to.  I don't want to shut my mouth, I don't want to not share personal things, but I also don't want to pay any prices for doing so.  Hmmm, I probably would have made a wimpy revolutionary!  Hahaha!

 

Tonight is a full moon and The Power Path (an astrological site I follow loosely) assures me this is the transition between one chapter and the next and that I need to make sure to leave behind the last several weeks and not drag them into the coming time where so much is possible.  I may do a burning ceremony, as it suggested, and then do some self-pampering as also suggested...maybe a pedicure after the kids go to bed!  I definitely feel like the time has come to move out of this crazy phase and like WTF just happened?!  Best not to dwell but to move forward, onward and upward.  I have lots of art to get done in preparation for my big 40th birthday art show, for one, and I need to work on my website.  I also need to take time to relax, just BE as well as to enjoy my children for whatever phase they are in.  I hope to be posting a lot more art along with my visual journals here so keep watching!! 

 

As always, I welcome comments or questions or even just "like" on FB ;)  It helps to know people are reading and NOT being offended or worried, but if you are that's ok too, I'd rather hear about it than not.

 

Cheers,

Tiffany

 

Just when you thought it couldn't get deeper...

It can't!  Haha!  What I mean is...well, let me explain.  For those who are new to my blog or new to me you may not know what to expect, may be surprised by things I say or heck, maybe I bore you!  In my own fantastical world in my head I'm the coolest but also dorkiest, smartest yet dumbest, sweetest yet bitchiest, hottest yet dumpiest, most talented yet a failure in the creative world.  I speak what's on my mind, in general - I mentioned recently how I've accidentally put people off with things I've written when it had nothing to do with them or how they took it but I had to learn to think outside myself, even though I tend to be totally self absorbed.  Aren't we all?  Ok, maybe not.  I took a break from my blog for a while after feeling so bad that I could have hurt or offended anyone, I told myself I was a horrible person then licked my wounds saying of course I didn't mean it but still I stayed away.  After my art got really under way again and I started this daily visual journal I decided to take to the blog again, figuring it must be safe if all I'm doing is posting about my visual journal.  But then I got an interesting perspective from a friend recently who said my art can be dark and my writing can definitely be dark and while they know me and know that's not totally who I am that may not be the case with everyone who reads this.  I threw out some labels that people might have wondered about, like Bipolar II and Borderline Personality Disorder.  Well, the internet is a great place if you haven't checked lately and if you read something you don't know the meaning of you can look it up real quick.  Of course how many of us have the time to look up every dang thing we aren't totally sure about, esp. if it doesn't really relate to us at all?  I have some chemical imbalances, the titles of which sounds scarier than they are.  Scratch that, they can be very scary in reality, but I'm a pro at them and have learned how to explain to those close to me that it's just a cycle that comes and goes, like a roller coaster up and down, some days aren't so good, some are downright bad, others are perfectly great and fine.  Tough thing is it's a crap shoot each day.  If I'm on a good roll chances are each day isn't such a gamble but when things get wobbly it can be as easy as the wind changing direction and suddenly I'm engulfed.  Those who don't know anyone with any mental issues or who don't have any themselves - first, your very lucky - but ya know with my imbalances comes a lot of passion.  No one can deny I'm a passionate person about most everything in my life.  I feel passionately.  I not only have some emotional challenges but I'm also a Cancer which just adds to it.  But I don't want anyone to cringe and worry about my children or my husband or anything.  If you do, please feel free to contact me directly.  We are all ok. 

I'm an artist, how many in history do you know of that were a little off their rocker?  It's not such a bad thing, I can't imagine being normal and "boring" - that was a joke, the boring part ;)  At any rate, I hope those reading and following my blog don't take anything too seriously.  Each day when I write and put together my visual journal it's just a snapshot of me, of my day.  Often as I'm flipping through a magazine an image will pop out and I just stop and go That's It!!  and it may or may not make any sense as to what actually went on in my day, or it may, but somehow it just works for me.  Same goes with the "sound bites" or "catch phrases" I add to the pages.  Then the poems...again, a snapshot.  It may represent just 5 minutes of my whole day.  I love art, you can do anything with it, you can try to send a message but people are going to interpret it so differently, from the artist's intention and from other viewers.  So interpret as you may but if you really have questions or comments, I welcome them with open arms.  Thank you again for reading and following me :)  Peace and love be with you.