Chasing Tiffany: July 13 Weddings and Cultures

July 13, 2012

Weddings and Cultures

After the late night of drinking at the dinner given by Evin’s parents and considering I’d never caught up on sleep from the flight over or the nights before the flights, or the nights since arriving in Turkey, I was in desperate need of some catch up sleep. So Friday morning I got it, sleeping until 1230!! Tony was his typical thoughtful self and hung around while I slept even though I’d rather he’d have gone out sight seeing so as not to hold me accountable for his lack of “accomplishments” for the day. We talked about that after I woke though and are all squared away for the future. I’m not sure I’ve ever met a couple where both like to sleep in late or stay up late or get up early or whatever, it’s always a mixture. Tony wakes at the crack of dawn regardless of when he went to sleep and under what condition, his body just says GO and so he does. Not me. I would love to be a night owl, I am at heart but after having kids it is just not realistic. I love the morning but in general I’d rather just sleep in. I’d like to think someday when I’m old I’ll get up at the crack of dawn intentionally and enjoy it, but I’m not old yet. J

Child Friendly

We joined up with our apartment neighbors, Segar & Avni, to go to the Grand Bazaar for some shopping in the few hours we had until we needed to be heading out to the garden wedding on the other side of Istanbul. We took the tram, entered the bazaar and agreed on a time to meet back in case we got separated…insisting we wouldn’t get separated. Five minutes later we were separated. You just can’t go into this place with more than you and your spouse, and even that seemed too much at times to me, because you want to stop to look at this and they want to stop and look at that and you don’t want to be impatient but you want to optimize time, blah blah blah. So we split up. Our meeting time gave us about 1 ½ hours to shop. By now I knew what I wanted to buy although not every “stall” had just what I wanted so I kinda cruised by them all slowly pushing the stroller, doing my quick scan and assessing with each step, all the while deflecting stall workers questions “where are you from?”, “you want to spend your money?”, “how can I help you?” etc. I basically just ignored them and avoided eye contact but still giving back a close-lipped general smile as if to say “thanks. Don’t know what you are saying. Not interested. Have a nice day.” all in one! It wasn’t as easy just to cruise by these guys though because of my adorable cargo – if I haven’t already mentioned it, the Turkish people LOVE babies, or at least mine ;) They (men, women, old, young) stop us to coo & goo & “wup-ah” & “tst tst” etc. etc. as they reach out and stroke Teagan’s arm, pinch her cheeks, grap both her cheeks in a big handful as they squeeze, tap her nose with their finger, examine her fingers and toes, KISS her on the cheek or arm or head. It has been quite interesting. It’s a good thing I’m not a freaky mom in terms of stranger’s germs or just personal space or I’d be screwed here. It’s so enduring and refreshing. They will even reach out to her and pick her up if I don’t stop them, of course Teagan hasn’t been too thrilled with that level of the friendliness and the few times it has happened she’s made enough fuss they put her right back.

“I have something you can die with” – grand bazaar stall guy trying to lure us in then realizing he misspoke and corrected himself with “I mean, I have something to die for!”

It was hot & crowded in the bazaar, not to mention we were pressed for time and the kids were just not having any of it so despite my desire to purchase a few things, I didn’t. We met up with Avni & Segar at the designated time and headed back to our apartments to get ready for the garden wedding. On the way the guys stopped to have a Turkish shave at the barber by Deutron’s apartment where all the groomsmen were getting…groomed. Avni & I took the kids to get some food at a café Deutron had recommended but to make a long story short it took forever to order & get our food even though we were the only patrons there but since the owner/translator/chef was just one woman it took much longer than it should have. The food came, the guys arrived, we scarfed food, it was good but also over priced and finally we were out of there, way over an hour later and suddenly very behind schedule. We needed to take a cab to some other part of Istanbul that in Friday traffic, we were warned, could take over an hour. We got ready (I didn’t even have time to wash my hair!) and walked to the cab area, caught a cab and after an hour long cab ride made it with time to spare…only because the time we were told to be there wasn’t really the time we had to be there so even though we thought we were late we were still early/on time. Brilliant.

I thee wed

The setting was garden’esque, outdoors under the night sky and there was a lovely, much welcomed breeze. We sat and after much adieu, around 9pm?, there was finally some music leading our gazes to this ivy archway though which the wedding party came through in pairs, Tony in his black suit arm in arm with a friend of Evin’s wearing a full pleated spaghetti strap coral colored belted knee length dress. They all lined up rather awkwardly and soon the music indicated the bride/bride & groom were coming, though I can’t remember the song, some tear jerker. All the guests were seated at large round tables around the main courtyard so we couldn’t even see what was going on. It was truly a bizarre ceremony for me, after the bride & groom walked in together, with fireworks lining the walkway (the kind of firework you light and set on the ground which then create a sparkling tree’like display for a few minutes, starting low & growing to about 7 feet) they sat at a table under a canopy and signed some papers and said a few words to some officiant. Then they stood up and came out to stand in front of the table and a line of family put their gifts, gold jewelry or gold coins, on them one by one. After that was over they had their first dance and while I can’t recall what the song was, I will never forget that they had more fireworks (4 to create the small square perimeter they danced in) followed by mad bubbles (from a bubble machine) and then “fog” (from a fog machine) which made me feel more like I was at a club than a wedding! I suddenly needed to find a place to change Teagan but when I was lead to the bathroom there was no way I was changing her there. There was no baby changer and no counter space and the floors were gross & wet. I was eventually allowed into the room where the bride was changing into her various dresses throughout the night. When I came out there was this 6 tiered cake being wheeled away from the center of action and I was bummed out to have missed the cutting but couldn’t believe it had happened so fast! We were told there was no dinner served although we got a small amount of mixed nuts & potato chips at each table. Come to find out the cake was a fake and they just pretended to cut it! Soon plates were being passed out with a piece of coffee/chocolate/bland’ish cake, a sesame cheese stick, a butter cookie, another sweet thing and several dolmas on it. Totally random to serve rice wrapped grape leaves with sweets! Oh and we got a half litre of coca cola & orange soda to go along with it. Deutron & Evin made their rounds to the tables, greeting everyone and having pictures taken with guests and then they disappeared. Soon they were re-emerging from the canopied walkway this time in traditional middle eastern wedding clothes (the first had been traditional western) and a group gathered around them as the music & dance to go along with the clothes got going.

Can’t we all just get along?

At this point there started to be a heated conversation in the back of all our tables, not far from us. It escalated quickly and I could hear yelling and though I couldn’t understand a word anyone was saying it was obvious to me there was a fight between two men & it had turned physical and now others were jumping in to hold the guys back but either they were doing a crappy job or they didn’t really mind letting the fight progress. I heard the distinct sound of skin being slapped & punched as the crowd grew and started moving like a snake slithering quickly away in half circles. I immediately moved to the stroller where Teagan was asleep even though I had Tyler in my arms and all I could think was to protect my babies in case the fight came steamrolling in our direction. It moved a good distance, as the bride & groom continued to dance and the surrounding guests stayed oblivious but then it all took a crazy twist. The fight stopped as the two guys it seemed were finally pulled away and willing to go but what was left was an older/elderly Aunt of Evin’s on the ground convulsing! A new crowd gathered, this time on hands & knees beside the woman, clothed head to foot like many of the Muslim guests. The ‘doctors in the house’ (Elec, Posi & Avni) were quickly called over by a few of us Americans that saw what was going on but they were literally shoved away by family members kneeling at the side of the Aunt, apparently saying “we don’t want your western medicine!” It was a very VERY dramatic few minutes and several things were rumored to be happening (“they’re trying to give CPR to someone who is already breathing!”, “they think she’s going to die right here!”) and through breaks in the crowd I could see the woman’s feet & legs jumping off the ground as she lay there. I didn’t know if I should leave or stay put, Tyler was getting upset as was I but Tony was off dancing. There was a woman (daughter of the aunt? cousin?) who was sitting nearby the crowd just wailing in despair, hand to her forehead looking around in disbelief that someone close to her was about to be gone and that was the most heart wrenching thing I saw. After what seemed like forever, the crowd broke up and the Aunt was being helped to a bench, on her own two feet. She was ok, she was going to live. Apparently she was epileptic and guesses are that the strobe lights on the dance floor and drama of the fight pushed her over, or maybe she literally got pushed over by the rolling fight. Regardless we were all able to settle down, except for the 3 doctors who were just outraged by what had happened because the woman could have died but she didn’t have to. I guess that’s old world for ya. Just about that time the bride & groom disappeared again and then re-emerged in traditional Ethiopian wedding attire, to pay homage to Deutron’s heritage. So the middle eastern wedding attire was for the same reason but I just don’t know who the family is. An Ethiopian song & dance followed and then there was a whole lotta “line dancing.” Not the typical American cowboy line dancing but the European, everyone holding hands or hands on your neighbors shoulders, doing a little step routine then shuffling off to the side, people constantly breaking in and joining to make a longer line which curls around in a big circle that doesn’t connect, just keeps winding around itself. The leader, or head of the line, was generally someone who really knew what he/she was doing and therefore lead the line along with waving a…something…think scarf-like but perhaps beaded? I was too far to really know and didn’t take part since someone needed to watch the kids and Tony seemed much more excited about the dancing. My shoes and the cobblestone ground were not a good mix for dancing anyway. It was a lot of fun to watch though and just made you feel like you were ALL family.

Pink Cadillac

Ok I don’t think it was a Caddy…but it was pink and it was old and very cool. Tony says it was a 57 Chevy. That’s what Deutron & Evin drove away in after they changed back into their western wedding attire. We all yelled and screamed as they honked and then they were gone. We gathered our stuff, caught a cab and were back to our apt in half the time it took to get there! Our cabby took a different route but it was after midnight so the traffic was probably the reason it was faster. Our apt neighbors Segar & Avni joined us in our place for a beer and some chit chat before we all turned in exhausted.