July 21, 2012 t-minus again

Time check: 9:25 a.m.

Is it just me or is it hot in here?  Well it's probably hot outside already but we've got the a/c pumping in our Courtyard Marriott hotel room; however, I've been up and running around repacking to fit last minute gift purchases yesterday into my check-in bag and get the kids dressed and bags repacked, etc. so I'm working up a bit of a sweat.  Ok, that doesn't exert that much energy, so aside from the hot nescafe I'm drinking and the jeans I'm wearing for the plane ride (why did I bring them at all??) I think I've just gone into panic mode.  Actually I think it's just a combination of all of the above, minus the panic which is really just anxiety to finish my blogs before getting home.  I figure once I'm home there's no way I'll finish them and I've done that before on previous vacations and it sucks.  We have to leave the airport by 11 for our 1:55 flight (the airport is supposed to be a disaster for departures) and still need to go down to breakfast.  Tyler is laying on the floor naked playing with Tony's belt and singing Madonna's "Give Me All  Your Lovin'", Teagan is on the bed chewing on the single most germ ridden object in this hotel room, the tv remote control and Tony is actually cleaning up and putting things away.  It's been a whirlwind trip, at times making me wish it was just a bad dream I was soon to wake up from (mostly just regarding the heat & sun or frustrating times of being "lost") and other times pure relaxing, enjoyable and beautiful.  Right now it feels like we've been gone forever and I know when I'm home tomorrow I'll wonder to myself if it actually was all just a dream.

I finished my last post, only halfway through the trip, this morning at 1:45 am before crawling into bed and sleeping like the dead.  It was soooo hard to wake up when Tony's alarm went off at 7:30...so I didn't, I stayed in that half asleep, half awake state for almost another hour.  I guess Tony read my blog from last night already so I questioned him about it: Was it interesting? Boring? Too much detail? Not enough detail? Understandable? Enough emotion?  From his responses I would guess it earned a B grade...maybe C+?  Maybe B-?  Of course no one is grading my blogs, except me sorta.  I want to be a great writer, I want to evoke emotion and paint vivid visions for my readers, I want it to at least be interesting.  I can see how  many people checked into my blog but I don't know if they read the whole thing (or at all after scrolling down to see how much I wrote, in which case just checking out the few pics I posted) or what they thought of it because no one ever leaves a comment.  So it's hard to know how I'm doing, I only get Tony's thoughts and his are only slightly less critical than my own.  I think when I get home I'll try to sign up for a creative writing class and schedule myself an absolute couple hours each week to write.  Turkey has been both about just observing and not so much reacting (as Tony mentioned there was a lot of facts but not so much reaction in my writing) but also relaxing and recharging.  I feel inspired but not from one particular thing although I suppose all the beautiful tiles and mosaics have sparked some new ideas for artwork when I get home.  I just always feel like when I get home from a trip it's like starting a new chapter in my life because the trip was such a huge, eventful thing and now regular day-to-day takes on a new feel, a new objective, a new desire... even though it's all just the same as when I left.  Thoughts to ponder on the long flight home. 

Heading down to breakfast now and then to the airport.