I hate getting too caught up in any holiday anymore, it just doesn't do me any good. I know myself and it's best to keep an even level of excitement and anticipation for big things so as not to set up for a let down. Maybe that's not the right attitude but it's what keeps me sane for now. I think I've finally gone from swinging way high and swinging way low to just kinda bobbing around the horizon line and while it definitely keeps things more tolerable it also feels a bit numb. It's like an ex boyfriend of mine once commented that "life is never boring with Tiffany even if that means it's not positive." But "boring" is a funny word I think...these days being a stay at home mom I often feel "bored" regardless of being busy. Working on my art and doing social things helps break me out of that bored place but really, can life be just a big jolly exciting party all the time? No. Or maybe it can, but who can sustain that? The rich and famous who have tons of minions to do all their "real life" stuff like laundry, grocery shopping, paperwork, kid sleep training, etc. etc. Anyway, I have gotten in "trouble" in the past for saying things I apparently shouldn't or that isn't appropriate or is uncomfortable for the company and it has always pissed me off because I hate that I should have to BE someone else just because other people might not get it. Have I gone totally off topic now? My sis & bff kindly remind me that just because it's ok in my eyes doesn't mean it's ok in the rest of the worlds eyes and even tho that doesn't mean I should conform it does mean if I want to keep the peace I should have a little respect. Gosh, I just never thought I was disrespectful, that hardly feels like a word people would use to describe me...or is it? At any rate, this is a whole tangent playing in my head these days which has translated to my visual journal, although maybe not totally obviously. The poetry is missing the last few days due to lack of space and a pissy attitude. I'm trying to stay positive and not bitter but that's not always easy. I'm working hard on trying not to care, ultimately, about what others think about me, but that's just not who I am. I care about what people think. I want people to like me. But if they don't, that's just their loss I guess ;)
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