Feelings are intense, words are trivial...
All I've ever wanted, all I've ever needed
is here in my arms.
Enjoy the silence
Name that tune ;) Yes, Depeche Mode just came on my Pandora station and it felt fitting to where I was at on January 2nd.
I'm getting myself a little confused at this point now because I'm generally doing my visual journal for the day on the next morning because by the end of the night I'm too tired and still often "soaking up" the day so it just makes more sense to reflect the next morning before starting that day. However, if I don't actually post it then, like now where I'm trying to post for the last 2 days, things start to get a little fuzzy.
Anyway, I made room on my visual journal page for Thursday to write a poem because there felt such a need and because I truly want to include them each day. For all the emotional angst I'd been putting myself through for over a week over a gut feeling I had I finally got a phone call which both put to rest and confirmed my feeling. I still have another check-in to make but I was overly joyed to find out my initial fears were unfounded. Cryptic? Yes, well I don't want to go into details, those are not important. The basic impact on me was due to self-doubt, fear and sensitivity. At least I have the security to reach out to confirm or deny my concerns. However, much of the day I was still feeling a bit like a freak, like an outcast, angry, broken and looked down upon, hence much of the imagery. But really who is doing the judging here, the people I *think* are feeling that way or myself? Yes, myself. I take full responsibility for my actions, right or wrong good or bad, I take responsibility for how they represent who I am and I take responsibility for judging as well as accepting and loving myself for them. What more can I really do? Hopefully learn some lessons and choose to or not to act accordingly next time.
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