I think I've learned more in the 24 hours post half marathon than in all the weeks of training and all years of casual running prior. Thank you, Google, for having answers to my ailments right at my fingertips. I only wish I'd read them BEFORE the big run. Side note: I'm tempted to keep typing "race" instead of "run" (which isn't very specific) or "half marathon" (which is just long to keep saying) but it wasn't really a race...for most people anyway. I mean, the few women who were off like a light at the sound of the starting gun with one goal in mind, to cross the finish line first, yeah it was a race for them. For the rest of us I think it was either a "race" to beat a previous run time or like me just to actually cross the finish line, preferably by running the whole distance.
But to finish up my original thought above, this half marathon was a HUGE learning experience for me. I think often "learning" refers to the fact that you made some mistakes and I'm sure I made my share. Why else then would it have gone the way it did, less than desirable? Why else would I be on my computer the day after reading about what I should or shouldn't have eaten/drank before the race, what I should have eaten/drank while running the race, why I was suffering from crippling diarrhea - that last part apparently not so uncommon and even has its own special term "runner's trots" (lovely) but actually isn't a given for all runners or long races. In the wee hours of Sunday morning I partook of half a cup of half-caf/half-decaf coffee (I normally only drink decaf) & nibbled on half of a ProBar (which was recommended to me by a personal trainer to eat before my big run) as well as moved my bowels (took a dump) and pee'd one last time before heading out the door. Oh yeah, I was also sipping this yummy Synergy drink with Kombucha & Chia seeds, supposedly good for energy. I think all of the above, except the potty parts, were wrong! Or were they? I read later that I shouldn't have any coffee because that dehydrates you and that eating anything before the run compromises your body's ability to process it since it will be taking all the blood from your tummy and pumping it through your legs, etc. to get you through the run. Well I thought a LITTLE food was not only ok but necessary, how the hell else am I supposed to have any energy to run at all?? I mean sure, when I get up and run at the gym at 6 a.m. I don't eat or drink a single thing beforehand but I'm only running a few miles, not 13.1! Ok, so what else did I do wrong? Well I'm not sure you would call it "wrong" but rather not optimal, beyond my control. I've been sick for two weeks and just found out 2 days before the run that I actually had a sinus infection! Antibiotics are a beautiful thing though and come race day that was the least of my problems...except at the expo afterwards where I was going booth to booth pleading for tissue or napkins as snot was running down my lip. Ok that's a dramatic image, i do have some self respect and so was wiping it on my shirt sleeve! I finally got some paper towels to blow my nose. Sure, I'd stuffed some tissue down in my shirt before the race but at the end it was just worthless, having done a great job soaking up sweat from my chest. Two weeks ago, just before I got sick, I ran 11 miles on my long training run day - 7 miles of it in the Bay to Breakers and then 4 more right after to complete the 11. I had no problems that day. Sure the last 4 were a bit tiring but still manageable. I thought I would be ok for the half marathon even though I hadn't run for 2 weeks. The fact is I almost couldn't run and it had nothing to do with my physical condition - Tony had to be in Orlando for the big annual IBM conference and there was no getting out of it. Who was I going to get to be at my house at 645am to watch my kids while I ran? It actually ended up being an easy answer and fortunately her schedule was free. A very dear friend of mine, and Tony's ex-wife, Gerry, was more than happy to help and she was wonderful, staying overnight Saturday so she would already be here in the morning.
As I left the house, clad in my "fast pants" as Tyler likes to refer to them, pink SF Giants hat to block the sun from the top of my sunglasses and wearing items to channel special people & their energy (black socks with big green hearts on them of my sister's that she accidentally left the last time she was visiting from Europe and my late Aunt Nancy's running/cycling jersey that I got from her estate sale) I couldn't shake the feeling I was forgetting something. Halfway down the block I realized it was the directions to the start of the race! Hahaha, it might help if I knew where I was going! So I threw the car in reverse, ran up to the house, got my directions and headed out. Still had that weird feeling though...turned out it was my sunblock but it didn't end up being a huge deal. I arrived in Alameda, found parking and was at the starting line in time to take part in the last few minutes of stretches lead by some very amped lady with a microphone in the park gazebo! When that was done I kept doing my own and just took in the scene. I think I saw every size, shape & color of woman out there! Short, tall, skinny, fat, body builder'esque, ballarina'esque, bald so presumably Cancer recovering, post-baby like me, young, old, middle aged, white, black, asian, brown, faux brown (or maybe it wasn't faux like spray faux but just too much sun or tanning bed faux), the list goes on. It was kinda cool, I didn't feel self-conscious at all and found the ability not to cast judgements. This is a women's run (See Jane Run) and a few men were participating but most of the men there were carrying babies or pushing strollers or offering supportive chatter to their stretching mates. It made me sad that Tony wasn't there, although I may not have done so well with that either. I don't like to make much fuss of these things which seems to falsely increase their importance in a way that makes me more nervous and irritated. No, I was better off alone. It was time to put in the earphones and start the playlist I'd put together the night before, all songs carefully chosen and arranged in an order I thought most motivating, going in cycles of higher energy for small jolts of speed to setting the pace & settling in good beats. First though, a powerful song to really get my higher self into the game, The Cave by Mumford & Sons. Tony laughs at my love of this song and of the rest of the band's songs for that matter, but it really gets me at my core.
It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind
The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat
But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck
And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again
Because I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind
So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears
But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck
And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again
So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's land
So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say
Because I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be
And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck
And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again
I could probably write a fat paragraph about why I love that song and how it affects me but this blog is about my run. Needless to say not far into it I was crying. I hadn't quite expected that, although the song has made me cry before, but for some reason I never thought it would happen at the race. But there it was and though I hadn't heard the starting gun go off soon the crowd was moving forward. I reached into my shirt for my ipod and started the song over ;) As I passed a handsome dad holding an adorable little boy holding a sign reading "Go Mommy! We love you!" I just imagined they were Tony & Tyler and I borrowed their support.
The initial mile or two of any run is generally the hardest, just getting yourself going and finding your breath and getting your heart settled into beating more rapidly, getting the lead out of your legs. They are generally the hardest for me on the treadmill, swearing I'm never going to make it and threatening myself to drop to a fast walk. But in races with hundreds and thousands of other people it is difficult for another reason all together, you just can't get moving because everyone is in your way! I find myself playing poll position, dodging through openings, cutting right, moving left, darting ahead, it can be frustrating to your mind and body. Maybe one lesson I should learn is just to go slow in the beginning and not work myself into a lather trying to run the pace I would if I had a clear path ahead of me, unless I'm trying to beat some time in which case I should try to be in the front of the pack to begin with. Maybe this is where I jacked my knee, with all the harmful (to me) motions. Up and down curbs trying to get around people, running through scraggly, weedy patches of uneven dirt. It's not like I was trying to smoke everyone, but they were cramping my style! The road was sloping down to the right along a long stretch which started bothering me so maybe that's where my knee got messed up, since it was the right one not the left. Hmmm... By around mile 2 the crowd thinned enough that it wasn't an issue anymore and though the terrain still changed a lot (little zig-zag here, up and over a wooden foot bridge, across some asphalt seriously in need of repaving) for the most part it wasn't too bad although my feet and ankles did hurt a little on some of it. I stopped at all the water stations, slowing to a walk to take in the welcomed wetness & hydration. I even took a Gu packet at one of the stops, ripped it open with my teeth and squished half of the espresso flavored muck into my mouth - blech! I instantly regretted it because of the taste & texture and took more water to wash it down so after that I refused any other Gu offer. It was warming up but still a nice temp and thankfully no crazy wind like we'd had the day and night before. It was a nice enough route, mostly flat, could have done without the stinky marshy body of water part for a stretch and I wasn't too fond of the industrial business park scene for several miles but that amazing view of the bay and San Francisco's skyline was awesome. There was some random guy on a bike with a cow bell that kept showing up every few miles, standing just off of the course ringing the bell and smiling. Creepy. I saw one woman slow down and do the plug-one- nostril-and-blow-snot-out-the-other maneuver that I've only ever seen men do. Classy.
My playlist was amazing and it really kept me going because I found there were lots of stretches that I thought to myself "oh my gawd, this is not fun and is taking forever!" I timed it pretty well though and just when I needed it most my music would give me a little umph and I was able to break out of the bad, slow stride I'd fallen into to stretch my legs out and feel alive again! However, those didn't last. I wasn't gasping for air, I wasn't clutching at a painful stitch in my side, but I felt tired and heavy, just not my optimal. Sadly that was the case not even halfway into the run :( I worked hard trying to talk myself through it but I think I thought about it too much. At that point I'd think about my socks and imagine my sister as one of the people dotted along the course jumping & cheering, telling me what a rockstar I was! Or I'd channel my late Aunt Nancy via the jersey of hers I was sweating into now, of her love of life and nature, of all the amazing hikes, bicycle trips and other outdoor life-loving adventures she had. Imagining her eyes light up and that huge smile as I'd tell her about doing this run and of her saying "Go get 'em Tiff!" in her special voice.
By mile 9 I was starting to be aware that my right knee wasn't too happy with me, along with my right hip flexor. At mile 10 I started to consider slowing to a walk since pain is usually a sign something is wrong and I probably shouldn't keep pounding on it. However, I just didn't want to do that, I wanted to RUN this whole damned thing! I tried experimenting with my form, trying to land softer and bend my knee less. It helped for a little bit but then I'd be back in my slow, tight limp-jog. I swear I must have looked like an old lady, meanwhile old ladies were passing me up! I didn't really care about either of those things, I just didn't want to have to walk. I would see some women walking and then before long passing me up and then in another mile walking again. Maybe for them it was about catching their breath. I had enough breath to run an entire marathon not just half, but my body was failing me. Damn it! I was so mad and so bummed. I got it in my head that I would be in just the same pain if I ran faster but I would get to the finish line sooner. That didn't last long either. Mile 12 was excruciating. I kept "running" but I was barely passing the walkers! Mile 13 I think I crossed over into pained numbness and it was the longest fucking mile of my entire life! Seriously, I never thought it would end. And then there it was, the big arch of the finish line, loads of people lined up on either side cheering & clapping & holding up signs for Diana and Mommy and whoever else. I suddenly felt so alone. I tried not to really look at any of them and if I hadn't been in so much pain and so grateful I was finally about to be able to stop I might have cried. I watched the big red numbers on the timer changing until I could see it no more as I crossed the finish line, deciding my time had been 2:27:58, although I later found out on-line my actual run time was 2:26:07. Two hours and 26 minutes and 7 seconds of RUNNING. Holy crap!
Medals were handed to you just as you crossed the finish line and I put mine on immediately, more so not to have to carry it vs wanting to wear it. Those little medals feel so silly to me...though I've now hung it prominently and smile when I look at it. I didn't stop moving as I revelled in the crowded expo of already finished runners (there was a 5K and Kids Fun Run along with the half marathon) plus their families or friends, a dozen'ish booths offering free samples of sports drinks, power bars, etc. I grabbed a banana, a coconut water and a regular water and did some stretching in the grass. Then I went off to find the goody bag booth, claimed my t-shirt (a very nice jersey actually!) and then the finishing touch as spelled out in the See Jane Run motto "i run for chocolate and champagne", a flute with race info and very cool picture of the Bay Bridge on it and several Tcho chocolates inside. Yes! I got my glass filled up and had a piece of chocolate and tried to relax. I didn't want to stay long but I wanted to see everything and that didn't take long but then I saw this cool free photobooth which I thought would be fun to do so I got in the long line, after getting my champagne glass refilled. It was really beginning to get warm and the sun was beating down on the parts of my body exposed (calves & back of my neck) and my stomach & bowels were not feeling so well. I crouched down in the grass in line as I got the chills and tried reasoning with my body, telling it soon I would be going home where I could properly rest. I poured the 2nd glass of champagne into the grass - what kind of lame idea is it anyway to give people who just ran 13.1 miles and are most likely slightly dehydrated and are out in the sun Free Bottomless Champagne?!?! I couldn't bring myself to eat anything other than the banana despite stuffing several free Luna bars in my goody bag. Bag of Pop Chips? How about Bag of Barf? Finally it was my turn in the booth, I put on my best fake happy face, struck 3 poses and was done. I snatched my photo from the printer outside and beelined it to the port-a-pottys, my sphincter muscles relaxing involuntarily with every step. Hold it, hold it, hold it, come on, almost there, hold it, pleeeeeeease! I just barely made it...JUST BARELY...there was a small casualty but nothing too bad. I sat there for a while after exploding, wondering to myself why runners don't just give themselves an enema before a big race, or maybe they do. Ugh. I hobbled the several blocks to my car, called my sweetie to let him know I'd made it and then to my bestie Dan begging and pleading for him to come over and take my kids to the park or something so I could rest since I knew Gerry had to leave as soon as I got home. He agreed and soon I was on my way.
The rest of the day was part hell, part blur, part deep thoughts and google searches. Daniel & Victor took Tyler & Teagan out to the park for a few hours so I limped to the closest nail salon and got a spa pedicure and extra 10 minute foot/leg massage. Then I iced my knees and hip and layed on the couch. I managed to make a simple dinner for me and the kids (although I ended up throwing mine up) and give them baths before putting them to bed and watching the last 2 episodes of the Pillars Of The Earth series which were awesome and fully took my mind off my pain. My body will heal and though it wasn't an all together positive experience, the run was a triumph and success none the less. Sadly it's my nature to downplay my abilities & achievements but I feel pretty amazing actually. Sure my training wasn't perfect and life threw me a bunch of curve balls affecting both training and race day but I persevered, I didn't quit. My body is a machine, a powerful thing when I put my mind to it and I'm on a bit of a power trip now. Several weeks back I was majorly bummed out to realize I'd only lost 4 lbs since starting my training when I not only planned for but there was absolutely no reason why I shouldn't have lost 1 lb a week, bringing me back to my pre-baby weight by race day. What went wrong? Well I knew exactly what went wrong, my nightly glasses of wine or beer, my Friday and Saturday night several glasses of wine or beer. Liquid calories are still calories. I have such a love/hate relationship with alcohol, loving the taste and the stress release but with a tendency sometimes to not know when to stop. I've seen the weight put on before by this delicious evil which caused me to step into action, so I've stepped up again, stopping drinking almost entirely. I actually no longer feel the pull or desire for it when I normally would, at the end of a long, tiring, patience testing day with the kids. No, it's almost like when I got pregnant each time, suddenly there was zero desire for alcohol, zero desire for the buzz, zero desire for the numbness, less than zero desire for the feeling not optimal the next day. Needless to say I've already lost a couple pounds and feel so strong & clear mentally. Aaaah feels good.
I don't think I'm done with the running, at least I sure hope I'm not - unless there's some more serious condition or injury I'm not aware of yet, if my knee doesn't feel 100% again soon. I've got a lot to learn though and am going to make an appointment with a personal trainer and/or running coach and put together a plan to get stronger and figure out this long distance running thing. I'll probably at least go for one more half marathon, maybe the one in SF in November, that's plenty of time to recoup, regroup and come back better than ever. I haven't ruled out the full marathon yet but for the time I'm pushing that to the back of my mind, it IS a bit nutso after all! I just found out there's a See Jane Run Triathlon & Duathalon coming up in September, I'll probably sign up for the Duathlon at minimum. Well, I won't be doing both events that day of course, but the Triathlon is another little goal that's developing. I used to be a great swimmer...as a kid...but that would be where I'd really have to focus my training. Good thing my gym has a pool, and hey that would be great exercise to get right now while my knee is still sore. It's just a power trip and such a high to see what your body can do and I'm just learning the potential of my own.
Since the music really got me through and was so awesome I thought I'd share my playlist:
The Cave, Mumford & Sons
Glad You Came, The Wanted
Tell It To My Heart, Taylor Dayne
Wanna Be Startin' Somethin', Michael Jackson
Breath Of Life, Erasure
Chasing The Sun, The Wanted
Piece Of Me, Britney Spears
On The Floor, JLo
Kiss Off, Violent Femmes
Dancing In The Dark, Bruce Springsteen
The One I Love, R.E.M.
Telephone, Lady Gaga & Beyonce
Hella Good, No Doubt
Till The World Ends, Britney Spears
Celebration, Madonna
Cover Me, Bruce Springsteen
U Got The Look, Prince
Waiting For Sex, Erasure
What Is Love, Haddaway
Tik Tok, Ke$ha
Papi, JLo
SchieBe, Lady Gaga
Disappointed, Electronic
Manhunt, Karen Kamon
Waiting For Tonight, JLo
Americano, Lady Gaga
Break The Ice, Britney Spears
What A Feeling, Irene Cara
Be My Lover, La Bouche
Goodbye Seventies, Yaz
Shake It Out, Florence + the Machine
Wild Boys, Duran Duran
Back It Up, Gwen Stefani
New Sensation, INXS
SexyBack, Justin Timberlake
Girls On Film, Duran Duran
...there's more but this is where I finished so I figure this is all that's important to share
Perhaps surprisingly missing, for those who know me best, is more Madonna. Well that's not accidental since I've been training almost exclusively to her new album "MDNA" and LOVING it! But instead of throwing the songs into the mix in random order I much prefer listening to it as the full album, which I kinda figured I would switch to around mile 9 since I know I can run 4 miles in the time it takes to listen to the album. Somehow that just didn't happen for whatever reason. Now I'm not a superstitious person, but maybe my run was off simply because I wasn't listening to my main amazing, powerful, incredible, awe-inspiring muse Madonna. Hmmmm...
