So it's Fat Tuesday...I generally don't participate (I'm not religious or French or Cajun...altho probably somewhat naive and uninformed) in the "giving up something" altho I'd really like to be in New Orleans or Rio or one of the other big cities that celebrates the holiday with a BANG someday! Who doesn't like a good party?! Anyway, it's a day to rejoice and release inhibitions and be happy, right? Or do I have it totally wrong? Well after another trying day after another trying night of my dear hubby being gone on business (seems the trend these days, a few days each week) and seeing the bright colored balloons outside the southern restaurant around the corner as I pushed the stroller home from a few unexciting errands I thought to myself, "why not?" So after rushing the last of our Valentine cards to the mailbox to meet the 5pm deadline I was pushing the stroller over to my favorite local happy hour spot, Noeteca Cafe. They serve yummy food but I'm drawn in by their $7 any wine happy hour - I often wonder if despite my always ordering the wine that costs $12 outside of happy hour if the wine that costs $7 anytime is just as good if not better...tho I have yet to test my theory. I usually go to Noeteca with my bestie Dan when our schedules mesh for a meet-up after he gets off work but I almost always have my kids with me. There's an outdoor area on the wide sidewalk and a bench under the windows so Tyler & Teagan usually run back and forth on that behind me as I lunge to keep my wine or glass of water from toppling over when they get too rambunctious. Tonight we had an almost bland but still good artichoke soup, and I think the kids actually wore more than they ate! They we had a delicious cheese plate (Comte and Grand Panada) accompanied by balsamic, figs, almonds, sliced green apples, dried cranberries & apricots, prunes and a yummy preserve. So basically I strayed from my current health guidelines of no alcohol, dairy, sugar or wheat (I don't do caffeine or meat anyway) but hey, it's Fat Tuesday!! Besides, a girls gotta get out of the house!! It's good for me and it's good for the kids.
It's been a WHILE since I blogged last...actually I think it was the end of my trip to Turkey last July! Hah! Let's just say I was directing my creative energies in other directions than my writing. However, I've been reading some art blogs lately and just plain 'ol feeling like a piece of the puzzle was missing for me and today it just dawned on me that I should shift gears slightly and start blogging again, tho with more emphasis now on my art adventures. It's been just about a year now (early March) that I started painting again, or rather that I started creating art again. I haven't always been a painter, but I've always been an artist, and paint just seemed right at this point. I've created just under a dozen'ish paintings, which I'll take as a decent amount for the time, two of which I've sold and another which hung in an exhibit through the Petaluma Arts Council. I've learned a lot, but I've got a lot more to go.
I read a quote today that a fellow artist posted on her blog that goes "One must spoil as many canvases as one succeeds with." None other than the talented artist Vincent van Gogh said that a million years ago and it really smacked me in the face. I know myself (I should hope so, after living with me for 38 1/2 years now!) and know I'm a watcher, perhaps even a follower though I hate to describe myself that way. As far back as preschool & kindergarten my teachers were telling my mom that I tended to hesitate in class, keep back and watch the others as if learning what to do and what not to do before I felt I was ready and confident enough to take on whatever task or project by myself. Yep, I can be tentative and cautious although that seems hardly like me in so many other aspects of life! Unfortunately, in my art, that's how I am. It's unfortunate because I have a pretty decent ability, a fair talent, a good knack...at framing a photograph interestingly, at sketching the human body accurately, at painting realism. But while that's not something everyone can do, there are plenty that can, and they are doing it with their own twist. What I lack right now is an individual style, something to set me apart from other artists. Do I expect or dream to make millions and have everyone know my name and collect my work? Ok sure I'd lie if I didn't say yes at least a little bit, but mostly what I'm after is filling the hole in my spirit that gapes open when I'm not doing art, releasing my creative energy in ways that hopefully bring smiles or at least pause to people's faces. The last thing in the world I want is to have to return to some awful desk job that I hate (because it's not artistic) once my children reach the age where I'm no longer needed at home full time so I'm hoping I can fall back on my art. When I imagine my retired years, I see myself in my studio, painting, sculpting, doing stained glass or making jewelry, hopefully in a lovely seaside home :) This is who I am and it took 37 1/2 years to finally have the courage and ability to go for it. I have a lot of work to do! I have, as Van Gogh said, a lot of canvases to spoil! And therein may be one of my problems, I want to do everything perfect the first time! I'm almost afraid to try something new, make a new mark, etc. It's been holding me back but can't anymore. That's what I want this blog to focus on now.
There was a new moon last Sunday and this one felt especially pivotal to me. I've been drudging around in a rut of holidays, sickness & apathy for a few months now and was drowning. I tend to swing to the extremes in my life, in my spirit, all the way over to the edge where everyone is holding their breath just waiting for me to plunge over the cliff and then back again to the picture of health, happiness, stability. Back and forth, although these days that same impenetrable protective boundary that kept me from landing in jail or the looney bin or a coffin is quite a bit more buffered, no thanks I'm sure to my children, so my swings aren't as dangerous as they once were. Though that doesn't mean I'm still not mentally and spiritually affected just as negatively. I take medication but that doesn't always seem like it's working. I'm on the verge of yet a whole new Tiffany, even though in the past I've said the same and it has been true. There can be no end to the times you are renewed in life or what is the use in going on? I have to keep learning, keep reaching higher, trying to be a better me. I've always been a journaler but I'll go chunks of time not writing and that always seems to correspond with a disconnect I'm feeling even though it might seem I'm just too busy to write. Busy can be good but busy can also be bad if I'm not taking care of myself. So here I am again!
My intent is to still write about my thoughts and events in my life but hopefully with more focus on my art, what I'm trying, what I'm inspired by, etc. I've been meeting so many new artists over the last year, going to art exhibits, researching though books and the internet about techniques and history, etc. etc. I love it...but of course I have other priorities in the day. In as much as I intend to refocus on my art I also intend to refocus on enjoying my life outside of art, my children and husband, my family and friends, reading, the gym, travel (local & non), health and pets, but to name a few.
I look forward to you sharing in this journey with me and invite your comments and thoughts. We are all journeying in this world, separate but together.
